Doesn’t seem to be working out too well.

The ole classic, I blame my wife. The if only s’ i have with her. I wish she was supportive on at least one subject in life. I can be the best in my work area, not impressed, just pay the bills. Attempt sobriety, she wants me to be sober, yet avenues I take are not convenient for her. I’ve convinced myself I’m the problem, but I’m not so sure. I believe I’ll grab a beer and ponder this.

Off to a meeting this evening. If only I can locate one that does not do the holding hands prayer thing afterward. Creeps me out. I did the worst thing this weekend, seen a friend from a long time ago. “Have a beer”..”ok”. Oops, and I so know better. Not sure when I finished that beer, but now my shoulder is jacked up for some reason. Yep, off to a meeting for that momentary distraction.

And I’m an alcoholic

Hello, my name’s Drifter, and I’m an alcoholic.  Scratch that, I’m a full on drunk.  I’ve stayed stoned through my 20′s, turned 30, put down the weed and replaced it with alcohol. I am presently 39.  In those nine years I’ve found myself in jail numerous times, I’ve waken up in parking lots…without a car.  I’ve had my nose broken without a clue how it happened.  In short, I’m a mess.

I’ve gone to AA meetings in hopes I could find help there, and left feeling like I just attended a cult. Even though I did hear some good information there, I conveniently schedule myself with work when the meetings are going on.  Procrastination or self destruction, not sure which one.  I did manage to put it down for a whole week (the 5 day version) then right back where I was, except my drinking has doubled.

Today is sober day #1 for me, of course I’m nursing a hangover and past experience says tomorrow will be a dangerous day for me.  I thought maybe if I reached out on the internet and found the other drunks out there, maybe we can all walk away.